verlaten (2)

Jesus, Jesus...

I don’t see Heaven.

All that blue sky hides from me, I have lost it, they stole from me everything that was life. I only feel pain, I only feel and see death. I don’t have anyone I can appeal to: I can only call on You and my Heavenly Mother.

Poor me! How many times in my pain have I not dared to look at You! Hear me always, even if I do not call You. Ask my Heavenly Mother to help me. Give me all the strength of Heaven!

-

Every sound I hear reminds me of my dear spiritual father.

Will he come? What a life of illusion! All the thoughts that come to my mind during this awful suffering are arrows which pierce my heart. They are scourges [gesels] which tear my body and my soul to pieces.

What wrong did I do?

What crime did I commit?

-

O my Jesus...

If it was not for Your love, if it was not the burning wish of saving souls for You, I would refuse everything.

I wanted to love You very much. Never to offend You. To gain Heaven. But I didn’t want the crucifixion. I didn't want to hear your sweet and tender voice on the earth. I didn’t wish to see your divine Image. Either painful or glorious. I had all eternity, to contemplate You, and to hear You speaking.

-

Forgive me my confidences, Jesus.

You see that only with You am I able to unburden myself.

Since You chose me for pain, since you appointed me for such a martyrdom, here I am, your victim, your slave. Jesus, do with me what You will. Your blessing, my Beloved.

Ask my Heavenly Mother to bless me, and protect me.

I am your most unworthy daughter,

poor Alexandrina


~bron~