pijn 3

This is why the sorrow...

that My Divine Will feels in all Creation is so great... 

as to cause now the earth, now the sea, now the wind to burst with [barsten van] sorrow. And in Its sorrow, It unloads scourges [geselingen] of destruction. This is the extreme sorrow of My Will, that, - unable to endure any more - strikes those who do not recognize It.

This is why I call you so very often... 

to go around in all Creation...

to make known to you what My Will does in It. 

The sorrow and the crosses It receives from creatures. 

So that you may recognize It in each created thing. 

Love It, adore It, thank It. 

And be the first repairer and consoler of a Will so holy. 

In fact, only one who lives in It, can penetrate into Its acts, and recognize Its sorrows.

And with Its very power, become the defender and the consoler of My Will. 

That - for many centuries - has been living isolated and crucified... 

in the midst of the human family.

~bron~

pijn 2

My daughter, I suffer...

because of the great sorrow of My Will. 

My Humanity suffered, It had Its cross, but Its Life on earth was short. On the other hand, the Life of My Will in the midst of creatures is long—it has been already six thousand years, and will last even longer. And do you know who Its continuous cross is? 

The human will. 

Each act of it opposed to My Will. And each act of My Will that It does not receive, is a cross that it forms for My Eternal Volition. Therefore, Its crosses are innumerable.

-

If you look at all Creation... 

you will find It all full of crosses formed by the human will. 

Look at the sun! 

My Divine Will brings its light to creatures, and they take its light, but do not recognize who He is that brings this light. And My Will receives so many crosses in the sun, for as many as are those who do not recognize It, who - while they enjoy the light - use that very light to offend that Divine Will that illumines them.

Oh! how hard and painful it is...

to do good and not to be recognized.

-

The wind is full of crosses!

Each of its blows is a good that it brings to creatures. And they take and enjoy that good. But do not recognize who He is that, in the wind, caresses them, refreshes them, purifies the air for them. 

And so It feels Itself being thrust [gestoken, doorboord] with nails of ingratitude and crosses, at each blow of the wind.

-

The water, the sea, the earth... 

are full of crosses formed by the human will. 

Who does not avail himself of water, of the sea, of the earth? Everyone does. And yet, My Will, that preserves everything and is primary life of all created things, is not recognized. And is present in them only to receive crosses from the human ingratitude.

-

Therefore, the crosses of My Will are numberless... 

and móre painful than those of My Humanity. 

More so. Since My Humanity does not lack some good souls who have comprehended Its sorrow, Its torments, the pains that they made Me suffer, and even My Death. Compassionating Me, and repairing for what I suffered in My mortal Life. 

On the other hand, those of My Divine Fiat are crosses that are not known. 

And therefore without compassion. 

And without reparation. 

~bron~

pijn 1

[September 17, 1927]

So, continuing in my abandonment in [overgave aan] the Divine Will... 

I felt myself in the nightmare of the pains. 

And my Beloved Jesus, clasping me to Himself to give me strength, told me: “My daughter, the pains are like iron beaten by the hammer, that makes it sparkle with light and become red-hot, to the point of being transformed into fire. And under the blows it receives, it loses its hardness, it softens, in such way that one can give it the shape one wants.

"Such is the soul under the blows of pain: she loses hardness, she sparkles with light, she is transformed into My Love and becomes fire. And I, Divine Artificer, finding her soft, give her the shape I want. Oh! how I delight in making her beautiful. 

"I am a jealous Artificer, and I want the boast [opschepperij] that no one can and knows how to make My statues, My vases—both in their form and in their beauty, and even more in their fineness and in the light that, sparkling [fonkelend], converts them all into truth. 

"So, for each blow I give her, I prepare a truth to be manifested. Because each blow is a spark that the soul emits from herself. And I do not lose them as does the smith in beating the iron, but I use them to invest those sparks of light with surprising truth, such as to serve the soul as the most beautiful clothing, and to administer to her the nourishment of Divine Life.”

~bron~

samen - 7

Finally, I drew near and I kissed His wounds. 

It seemed that, after I did that, those limbs so lacerated would heal, and the Lord, who before seemed to be almost dead, would begin to revive to New Life. Interiorly, I received such Lights about the offenses that are given, and attractions to accept being a victim even if I should suffer a thousand deaths, for the Lord deserved everything, and I could not oppose what He wanted.

This happened while we were in mute silence. 

But those gazes that we exchanged...

were as many invitations, as many burning darts that pierced my heart through.

The Most Holy Virgin, especially, spurred me on [aansporen] to accept.

But who can say all that I went through? 

Finally, looking at me benignly, the Lord said to me: 

“You have seen how much they offend Me, and how many walk along the paths of iniquity [boosheid, snoodheid, ongerechtigheid], and without realizing it, fall into the abyss. Come to offer yourself before Divine Justice as victim of reparation for the offenses that are given, and for the conversion of sinners who, with eyes closed, drink at the poisoned fount of sin. 

A large field of sufferings opens before you, yes—but also of Graces. 

I will never leave you again, I will come within you to suffer all that men do to Me. 

Making you share in My pains. 

For help and comfort, I give you My Mother.” 

And He seemed to deliver me to Her—and She accepted me. 

I too offered all of myself to Him and to the Virgin—ready to do what He wanted.

And this is how it ended the first time.

~bron~

samen - 6

The New Life that began was at the Farm called “Torre Disperata”. 

One day, while more than ever I had been tormented by the devil, to the point that I felt myself losing my strengths and fainting, around evening, while I was in this state, I felt I was having a deadly fit [aanval] and I lost consciousness.

In that state, I saw Jesus Christ surrounded by many enemies—some were beating Him, some were slapping Him, some were driving thorns into His head, some were breaking His legs, some His arms. After they reduced Him almost to pieces, they put Him in the arms of the Madonna—and this happened not too far from me. 

After the Most Holy Virgin took Him in Her arms... 

She drew near me, and crying, She said to me: “Daughter, see how My Son is treated by men—the horrible offenses they commit, which never give Him respite. Look at Him, how He suffers.” 

And I tried to look at Him, and I saw Him all blood, all wounds, and almost cut up, reduced to a mortal state. I felt such pains that I would have wanted to die a thousand times rather than see my Lord suffer so much. I felt ashamed of my little sufferings. 

The Most Holy Virgin added, but always crying: 

“Come closer to kiss the wounds of My Son. He chooses you as victim, and if many offend Him, you, by offering yourself to suffer what He suffers, will give Him a relief in so much suffering. Won’t you accept?” 

I felt so annihilated. I saw myself so bad (as I am still) and unworthy, that I did not dare to say “yes”. My nature trembled. I felt so weak from the past pains, that it barely left me a thread of life. 

Then, I don’t know how, I saw demons yelling and shouting from afar, and that everything I had seen them do to the Lord, they were going to do to me, if I accepted. 

I felt such pains, sufferings, straining of nerves within me... 

that I thought I was going to leave life.

~bron~

samen - 5

The last thing I recommend to you is courage. 

I want you to enter the battle with intrepidity [onverschrokkenheid, onversaagdheid]. The thing that an opposing army fears the most is to see courage, strength, the way in which one confronts the most dangerous fights, without fearing anything. 

So the demons are - there is nothing they fear more than a courageous soul, who all cleaving [vastgeklampt] to Me, with a strong spirit, goes into their midst. Not to be wounded, but with the firm resolve to wound them and to exterminate them. 

The demons are left frightened, terrified, and would rather flee. But they cannot, because they are bound by My Will, and they are forced to stay, to their greater torment. Therefore, do not fear them, for they can do nothing to you without My Will. 

And then, when I see that you can no longer resist and are about to fail, if you are faithful to Me, I will come immediately, I will put everyone to flight, and I will give you Grace and Strength. Courage, then, Courage.

-

So, this hard trial... 

though I don’t remember too well... 

lasted for three years. However, there were days or weeks of interval. It is not that they would cease completely, but they began to mitigate [milderen].

Finally... the cruelties of the demons ceased, and a whole New Life began, although the demons did not stop molesting me from time to time. However, it was not so frequent, the battle was not so fierce, and I became used to despising them.

~bron~

samen - 4

Who can say how frightened I was at such announcement? 

I felt my blood freeze, my hair curl, my imagination filled by black ghosts that seemed to want to devour me alive. It seemed to me that, before putting me in that painful state, the Lord gave freedom to everything I was to suffer, and I saw myself surrounded by all this. 

So I turned to Him, and said to Him: 

“Lord, have pity on me! O please! do not leave me alone and abandoned. I see that the rage of the demons is such that they will leave not even the dust of me—how will I be able to resist them? My misery, and how bad I am, is well known to You. 

Therefore, give me New Grace that I may not offend You. My Lord, the pain that most torments my soul is to see that You too must leave me. Ah! to whom will I say a word any more? Who will teach me? However, may Your Will be always done—I Bless Your Holy Will.”

And He, benignly, continued to say: 

“Do not afflict yourself so much. Know that I will never allow them to tempt you beyond your strengths. If I allow this, it is for your good.

I never put souls in battles so that they may perish. First I measure their strengths, I give them My Grace, and then I put them in. And if some souls fall, it is because they do not remain united to Me by means of prayer. No longer feeling the sensitivity of My Love, they go begging for love from creatures, while I alone can satiate the human heart. 

They do not let themselves be guided by the sure path of obedience, believing more in their own judgment, than in those who guide them in My Place. So, what is the wonder if they fall?

Therefore, what I recommend to you is prayer. Even if you should suffer pains of death, you must never neglect that which you are used to doing. Even more, the more you see yourself in the abyss, the more you will invoke the help of the One who can free you. 

Still more, I want you to place yourself, blindly, in the hands of the confessor, without examining what is being said to you. You will be surrounded by darkness, and will be like one who has no eyes, and who needs a hand to guide her. The eye for you will be the voice of the confessor, which, like light, will clear the darkness from you. The hand will be obedience, which will be your guide and support to make you reach a safe harbor. 

~bron~

samen -3

And He, compassionating me, continued to tell me: 

“Do not fear, I will be your Strength—it is not you who will suffer, but I Myself will suffer and fight within you. See, I want to purify your soul from every slightest spot which might hinder My Love in you. I want to test your faithfulness [trouw]. 

But how can I see if this is true, other than by placing you in the midst of the battle? Know then, that I want to put you in the midst of demons. I will give them freedom to torment you, and to tempt you, so that after you have fought the virtues with the opposite vices, you may already find yourself in possession of those very virtues that you think you are losing.

And then, your soul, purged, embellished, enriched, will be like a king returning victorious from a most fierce war, who, while he thought he would lose what he possessed, comes back more glorious and filled with immense riches. 

Then will I come. I will form in you My Dwelling, and we will be always together. It is true that your state will be painful. The demons will give you no more peace, either at daytime or at night—they will always be in act of waging a most fierce war against you. 

But you, always keep your aim at what I want to make of you—that is, making you similar to Me—and at the fact that you will not be able to arrive at this, other than by means of many and great tribulations. In this way, you will have more courage to bear the pains.”

~bron~

samen - 2

As for the visits and acts of reparation, You Must Know that everything I did in the course of thirty-three years, from when I was born, up to when I died, I AM continuing in the Sacrament of the Altar. 

Therefore, I want you to visit Me thirty-three times a day, honoring My years and also uniting with Me in the Sacrament, with My own Intentions—that is, Reparation, Adoration... 

This you will do at all times: with the first thought of the morning, fly immediately before the Tabernacle in which I AM present for Love of you, and visit Me.

With the last thought of the evening, while you sleep at night, before and after your meal, at the beginning of each one of your actions, while walking, working...”

-

While He was saying this to me, I saw myself all confused.

Not knowing whether I could manage to do them, I said to Him: “Lord, I pray You to be with me until I acquire the habit of doing them, for I know that with You I can do everything—but without You, what can I, miserable one, do?”

And He, benignly [goedaardig], added: “Yes, yes, I will content you—when have I ever failed you? I want your Goodwill, for whatever help you want, I will give to you.” 

And so He did.

After I had spent some time - now with Him, and now without - one day, after Communion, I felt more intimately united to Him. 

He asked me various questions, as for example: if I loved Him, if I was ready to do what He wanted, even the sacrifice of my life for love of Him. He also said to me: “And you—tell Me what you want. If you are ready to do what I want, I too will do what you want.” 

I saw myself all confused. I could not understand that way of operating of His. But with time I understood, that that way of acting is when He wants to dispose the soul to new and heavy Crosses. And He knows how to draw her so close to Himself with those stratagems [listen], that the soul does not dare to oppose what He wants.

So I said to Him: 

“Yes, I love You. But You tell me, Yourself—can I find anything more Beautiful, more Holy, more Lovable than You? And then, why ask me if I am ready to do what You want, when it has been so long since I delivered my will to You, and I prayed You not to spare me even tearing me to pieces, as long as I may give You pleasure? I abandon myself in You, O Holy Spouse—operate freely, do with me whatever You want, give me Your Grace, for by myself I am nothing and can do nothing.”

And He repeated to me: “Are you truly ready for anything I want?”

I saw myself more confused, annihilated, and I said: 

“Yes, I am ready”—but almost trembling.

~bron~

samen - 1

With regard to Communion, I do not want you to afflict yourself because you are not able to stay there. Know that this is a shadow of the pains I suffered in Gethsemani. What will happen when I make you share in the scourges [geselingen], the thorns and the nails? The thought of greater pains will make you suffer the minor pains with more courage. 

So, when during Communion you find yourself alone, agonizing, think that I want you a little bit as company in My Agony in the Garden. Therefore, place yourself near Me, and make a comparison between your pains and Mine. See, you—alone and without Me; and I too—alone, abandoned by My most faithful friends who are there sleeping. Left alone even by My Divine Father. 

And then, in the midst of most bitter pains, surrounded by snakes, by vipers, by rabid dogs, which were the sins of men—and yours were there too, doing their part—such that they seemed to want to devour Me alive. My Heart was taken by such grips, that I felt It as if It were under a press. So much so, that I sweat Living Blood. 

Tell Me, when have you arrived at suffering so much? 

Therefore, when you find yourself without Me, afflicted [gekweld], empty of any consolation, filled with sadnesses, with worries, with pains, come close to Me, wipe that Blood from Me, offer those pains to Me as relief for My most bitter Agony. 

By doing so, you will find the way to be able to remain with Me after Communion. It is not that you will not suffer, because the most bitter pain I can give to the souls dear to Me is to deprive them of Me; but by thinking that with that suffering of yours, you give relief to Me, you will also be content.

~bron~

nietig - 0

You were wrong in being so disturbed. 

Don’t you know that I AM Spirit of Peace, and the first thing I recommend is that you do not perturb the Peace of the heart?

When in prayer, you are not able to recollect yourself, I do not want you to think of this or that—of how it is and how it is not—because by doing so, you yourself call the distraction.

Instead, when you find yourself in that state, the first thing is to humble yourself, confessing yourself as deserving of those pains, placing yourself in the arms of the executioner, like a humble little lamb that, while he kills it, licks his hand. 

So you—while seeing yourself beaten, disheartened, alone, you will resign yourself to My Holy Dispositions, you will thank Me wholeheartedly, you will kiss that hand of Mine that strikes you, recognizing yourself unworthy of those pains. 

Then, you will offer to Me those bitternesses, anguishes, tediums, praying Me to accept them as a sacrifice of Praise, of Satisfaction for your sins, of Reparation for the offenses that they give Me. 

By doing so, your prayer will ascend before My Throne as most fragrant incense. It will wound My Heart, and you will draw new Graces and new Charisms upon yourself. 

In seeing you humble and resigned [opgegeven], all sunken into your nothingness, the devil will not have the strength to get close. And here is how, where you thought you were losing, you will make great gains.

~bron~

resl

"Durch Leiden werden mehr Seelen gerettet

als durch die glänzendsten Prädigten."

(Theresia van Lisieux)

 

piccarreta १०

From that time on... 

I remember that such a great yearning for suffering ignited within me, that it has not dampened yet. I also remember that after Communion I would ardently pray Him to concede me suffering. And sometimes, to content me, He seemed to take the thorns from His crown and prick my heart. 

-

Other times, I felt Him take my heart in His hands, and squeeze it so tightly, that I felt faint for the pain. When I realized that people might notice something, and He was disposed to give me these pains, I would immediately say to Him: “Lord, what are You doing? I beg You to give me suffering, but that it be hidden to everyone.” 

Up to a certain time, He made me content... 

but my sins have rendered me unworthy... 

to suffer hidden, without anyone noticing it. 

I remember that many times... 

after Communion, He said to me: 

“You will not be able to truly resemble Me other than by means of sufferings. Up until now, I have been together with you. Now I want to leave you alone a little bit, without letting Myself be felt. 

See, up to now I have led you by the hand, instructing you and correcting you in everything, and you have done nothing but follow Me. Now I want you to do it by yourself. 

However, be more attentive than before, thinking that My gaze is fixed on you, though I do not let Myself be heard. And that when I return to make Myself heard, I will come either to reward you, if you have been faithful to Me, or to chastise you, if you have been ungrateful to Me.”

-

I would be so frightened and terrified. 

Upon such intimation, I would say to Him: 

“Lord, my All and my Life, how can I survive without You - who will give me the Strength? How can this be? After You have made me leave everything, so much so that I feel as if no one existed for me - You want to leave me alone and abandoned. Have You perhaps forgotten how bad I am, and that without You I can do nothing?”

And because of this objection, assuming a more serious look, He would add: “The reason is that I want you to understand well who you are. See, I do this for your good, do not be saddened. 

I want to prepare your heart to receive the Graces which I have designed for you. Up until now, I have assisted you sensibly. Now, less sensibly, I will make you touch your nothingness with your own hand. I will fuse you thoroughly in profound humility, in order to be able to build most high walls upon you. 

So, instead of afflicting yourself, you should rejoice and thank Me, because the more quickly I make you cross the stormy sea, the sooner you will reach the Port of Safety. The harder the trials to which I will submit you, the greater the Graces I will give you. Courage, then, courage, and I will come back soon.” 

And in saying this, He seemed to Bless me. 

And then He would leave. 

~bron~

piccarreta ९

After these things... 

one day, after Communion...

I felt Him within me, all Love - Loving me so much, that I myself was very much amazed, for I saw myself as so bad and unrequiting [onbeantwoordend].

And I said within myself: “If only I were good and requiting. I fear that He might leave me... 

(I have always had this fear that He might leave me, and I still do. And sometimes the pain I feel is so great, that I believe that the pain of death would be lesser, and if He Himself does not come to calm me, I can give myself no peace)

...while He wants to draw more intimately close to me.”

While I felt Him inside of me in this way...

through an interior voice, He said to me: 

“My beloved, the things past have been nothing but a preparation. Now I want to come to facts, and in order to dispose your heart to do what I want from you - that is, the imitation of My Life - I want you to sink into the Immense Sea of My Passion. 

And when you have understood well the bitterness of My Pains, the Love with which I suffered them, Who I AM who suffered so much, and who you are, a most wretched [armzalig] creature—ah! your heart will not dare to oppose the blows [slagen], the cross, which, only for your good, I have prepared. 

On the contrary, by just thinking that I, your Master, have suffered so much, your pains will seem shadows to you compared to Mine. Suffering will be sweet for you, and you will reach the point of not being able to be without sufferings.”

My nature trembled at the mere thought of sufferings.

I prayed that He Himself would give me the Strength, because without Him I would use His very gifts to offend the Giver. So, I gave all of myself to meditating the Passion, and this did so much good to my soul, that I believe that all the good has come to me from that source. 

I pictured the Passion of Jesus Christ like an Immense Sea of Light, which wounded me all over with His innumerable rays - rays of Patience, of Humility, of Obedience, and of many other virtues. I saw myself as all surrounded by this Light, and I remained annihilated at seeing myself so different from Him. Those rays that inundated me, were as many reproaches for me. 

I heard them say: “A God so patient, and you? A God humble and submitted [onderworpen] even to His very enemies, and you? A God who suffers so much for Love of you, and where are your sufferings for love of Him?”

Sometimes He Himself would make me the narration...

of the pains suffered by Him... 

and I was so moved that I would cry bitterly. 

One day, while working, I was considering the most bitter pains that my Good Jesus suffered. I felt my heart so oppressed by the pain, that I was out of breath. Fearing something, I wanted to distract myself by going out to the balcony. 

I go about looking in the middle of the street - but what do I see? I see the street all filled with people, and, in the middle, my loving Jesus with the Cross upon His shoulders. Some pulled Him to one side, some to another. All panting [hijgend], with His face dripping with blood, He raised His eyes toward me in act of asking for my help. 

Who can say the sorrow I felt, the impression that a sight so pitiful made on my soul. I immediately went inside, I myself did not know where I was. I felt my heart split with pain. I shouted. Crying, I said to Him:

“My Jesus, if only I could help You! If only I could free You from those wolves so rabid! Ah! I wish at least to suffer those pains in Your place, to give a relief to my sorrow. O please! my Good, give me suffering, for it is not fair that You suffer so much, while I, a sinner, remain without suffering.”

~bron~

piccarreta ८

Sometimes, then, while I was working...

a little slowly and listlessly [lusteloos]... 

He would say to me: “Hurry up, help yourself, for in the time you gain by helping yourself, you will come and be with Me in prayer.” 

-

Sometimes, He Himself would assign to me how much work I was supposed to do. Then I would pray Him to come and help me. “Yes, yes,” He would answer me, “We will do it together, so that when you have finished, we will be more free.” And it would happen that in one hour or two, I did what I was supposed to do during the whole day.

Then I would go to pray...

and He gave me much Light, and told me many things... 

such that it would be too long if I wanted to say them all.

-

I remember that while I was alone, working, I noticed that the thread was not enough to finish that work, and that I would need to go to my family in order to get some. 

So I turned to Him and I said: “What is the purpose of having helped me, my Beloved? As I see that I need to go to my family, I may find people who may prevent me from coming back here, and this time our conversation will come to nothing.”

“What, what?,” He said to me, “Don’t you have faith?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, do not fear, for I will make you complete everything.” 

And so it happened.

And then I would start to pray.

-

If then, at lunch time, I ate something tasty... 

immediately He would reprimand me interiorly, saying: 

“Have you perhaps forgotten that I had no other taste but suffering for Love of you? And that you must have no other taste but mortifying yourself for love of Me? Leave it aside, and eat that which you like the least.” 

And immediately, I would take it and bring it to the maid, or I would say that I didn’t want it any more; and many times I remained almost on an empty stomach.

However... 

when I would go to pray...

I would receive so much Strength and feel so Satiated... 

that I would feel nausea for everything. 

Other times then... 

in order to contradict me... 

if I did not feel like eating, He would say to me: “I want you to eat for love of Me, and as the food unites with the body, pray to Me that My Love may unite with your soul, and everything will be Sanctified.”

In a word, without going any further, even in the littlest things... 

He tried to make my will die...

so that it might live only for Him. 

-

He allowed that I be contradicted also by the confessor. 

As for example: 

I would feel a great need to receive Communion. For the whole day and night, I would do nothing but prepare myself. My eyes could not close to sleep, because of the continuous throbbing of my heart. I would say to Him: “Lord, hurry, for I cannot be without You. Accelerate the hours, let the sun rise quickly, for I cannot endure anymore, my heart is fainting.”

He Himself would make me such Loving Invitations, that I would feel my heart break. He would say to me: “See, I AM alone, do not be troubled because you cannot sleep - this is about keeping company with your God, with your Spouse, with your All, who is continuously offended. O please! do not deny Me this relief, because, then, in your afflictions I do not leave you.”

But while I was with these dispositions, in the morning I would go to the confessor, and without knowing why, the first thing he would say to me was: “I do not want you to receive Communion.”

I tell the Truth, this was so bitter for me, that sometimes I would do nothing but cry. I would not dare to say anything to the confessor, because He Himself wanted him to do so, otherwise He would reproach me. 

But I would go to Him and tell Him of my pain: “Ah! my Good, is this the vigil we have kept last night - that after so much waiting and yearning, I was to remain without You? I know well that I must obey, but tell me something - can I be without You? Who will give me Strength? And then, who will have the courage to depart from this church without bringing You along? I don’t know what to do, but You can remedy everything.”

While pouring myself out in this way, I would feel a Fire come near me, and a Flame enter into my heart. I would feel Him inside of me, and immediately He would say to me: “Calm yourself, calm yourself. Here you are - I AM already in your heart. What do you fear now? Do not afflict yourself any more, I Myself want to dry your tears. You are right, you could not be without Me, could you?”

I would then remain so very annihilated within myself, and I would say to Him that if I were good, He would not have disposed it that way, and I prayed Him never to leave me again, for I did not want to be without Him.

~bron~

piccarreta ७

Then He said to me: 

“The first thing I want you to mortify, is your will. That ‘self’ must be destroyed in you. I want you to keep it sacrificed as victim before Me, so that your will and Mine may become one. Aren’t you happy?”

“Yes, Lord, but give me the Grace, for I see that by myself I can do nothing.” And He continued, telling me: “Yes, I Myself will contradict you in everything, and occasionally by means of creatures.”

And so it happened. 

For example... 

if in the morning I woke up and did not get up immediately, the interior voice would tell me: “You rest, while I had no other bed but the Cross. Hurry up, hurry up - not so much satisfaction [tevredenheid].” 

If I walked and my sight would run a little farther, immediately He would reprimand me: “I do not want this. Do not let your sight move away from you but the length of one step, so that you won’t trip.” 

If I was in the countryside, and I saw flowers and trees, He would say to me: “I have created everything for Love of you, and you, deprive your sight of this delight for love of Me.” 

Even in the most innocent and Holy things, as for example the cloths for the altars, the processions, He would say to me: “You must take no other pleasure but in Me alone.” 

If I was sitting while working, He would say to me: “You are too comfortable. Don’t you remember that My Life was a continuous suffering - and you? And you?”

~bron~

piccarreta ६

“I want,” He said to me...

“that all your things, even the necessary ones, be done in a spirit of sacrifice.

See, your works cannot be recognized by Me as Mine, if they do not have the imprint of mortification. Just as a coin is not recognized by the peoples if it does not carry on itself the image of their king - even more, it is despised and neglected - the same with your works. If they do not have the graft with My Cross, they cannot have any value. 

See, now it is not about destroying the creatures, but yourself - making you die in order to live only in Me, and of My own Life. It is true that it will cost you more than what you have done. But pluck up courage, do not fear: it is not you who will do it, but I Myself will operate in you.”

So I received more lights about the annihilation of myself. 

He said to me: “You are nothing but a shadow. As you try to grab it, it escapes you. You are nothing.” I felt so annihilated, that I would have wanted to hide in the deepest abysses, but I saw myself incapable of doing it. I felt such blushing that I remained mute. 

While I was in this undoing of my nothingness, He said to me: “Draw near Me, cling to My Arm, I will sustain you with My Hands, and you will receive Strength. You are blind, but My Light will serve you as guide. See, I will place Myself in front of you, and you will do nothing but look at Me, in order to imitate Me.”

~bron~

piccarreta ५

Other times, He would say to me: 

“I also want that, if people mortify [vernederen] you, insult you, contradict you, you keep your gaze fixed in Me, thinking that from My own Lips I AM saying to you: ‘Daughter, I Myself AM the one who wants you to suffer this - not the creatures. Remove your gaze from them. But you and I, always. All others you must destroy. 

See, I want to render you beautiful by means of these sufferings. I want to enrich you with merits, work your soul, render you similar to Me. You will give it to Me as a gift, you will thank Me affectio-nately, and will be grateful to those people who give you the occasion to suffer, repaying them with some benefit. 

By doing this, you will walk as upright before Me. 

Nothing will ever again give you restlessness, 

and you will always enjoy peace.”

~bron~

Castel del Monte

(1240)

piccarreta ४

So... 

“Let us think about loving and contenting each other.”

From that time on, I did not think about it so much. I did as much as I could in order to content Him, and I prayed that He Himself would teach me what I should do in order to repair for the time past. 

And He said to me: “I AM ready to do what you want. See, the first thing that I told you I wanted from you was the imitation of My Life. So, let us see what you lack.”

“Lord,” I said to Him, “I lack everything, I have nothing.”

“Well then,” He said to me, “do not fear, little by little we will do everything. I Myself know how weak you are, but it is from Me that you must draw Strength.” (I don’t remember it in sequence, but I will say what I can.) 

And He added: 

“I want you to be always upright in your operating: with one eye look at Me, and with the other eye look at what you are doing. I want creatures to disappear from you completely. 

If you receive a command, do not look at the people, no - but you must think that I Myself want you to do what you are being commanded. So, with your eye fixed in Me, you will not judge anyone, you will not look at whether the thing is painful or enjoyable - whether you can do it or not. 

Closing your eyes to all this, you will open them to look at Me alone. You will take Me together with you, thinking that My Gaze is fixed on you, and you will say to Me: ‘Lord, for You alone I do this. For You alone I want to work, no longer a slave of the creatures.’ 

So, if you walk, if you work, if you speak - in anything you do, your only aim must be that of pleasing Me alone. O! how many defects you will avoid, if you do this.”

~bron~

piccarreta ३

Then He continued, telling me: 

“I have made great designs upon you, as long as you correspond to Me — I want to make of you a Perfect Image of Me, beginning from the moment I was born up to My death. I Myself will teach you, little at a time, the way you will do it.”

-

And it happened in this way: 

every morning, after Communion, He would tell me what I was supposed to do during the day. I will say everything briefly, because after so much time it is impossible to say everything. I don’t remember for sure, but it seems to me that He told me that the first thing which was necessary in order to purify the interior of my heart, was the annihilation of myself - that is, humility. 

-

And He continued, telling me: 

“See, so that I may pour My Graces into your heart, I really want to make you understand that by yourself you can do nothing. I AM very much wary [op mijn hoede] of those souls who attribute what they do to themselves, wanting to make of My Graces as many thefts. 

On the other hand, with those who know themselves, I AM generous in pouring My Graces in torrents. Knowing very well that they can attribute nothing to themselves, they are grateful to Me, they hold it in that esteem which befits it, and they live with the continuous fear that, if they do not correspond to Me, I may take away from them that which I gave, knowing that it is not something of their own. 

All the opposite in the hearts which reek [ruiken, stinken] of pride. I cannot even enter into their hearts, because they are so swollen with themselves that there is no space in which to put Myself. The miserable ones take My Graces into no account, and they go from fall to fall, up to their ruin. 

Therefore, on this day I want you to make continuous acts of humility. I want you to be like a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, who can move neither a foot to take a step, nor a hand to work, but expects everything from his mother. 

In the same way, you will stay close to Me like a baby, always praying Me to assist you, to help you. Always confessing to Me your nothingness - in sum, expecting éverything from Me.”

~bron~

piccarreta २

One morning in particular, after Communion... 

He gave me a light so clear about the great Love He had for me, and about the fickleness [wispelturigheid] and inconstancy of creatures, that my heart was so convinced as to be incapable, from that time on, of loving anyone. 

-

He taught me the way how to love people...

without detaching myself from Him.

That is, by looking at creatures as images of God, in such a way that, if I received good from creatures, I was to think that God alone was the Prime Author of that good, and that He had used the creature in order to send it to me, so my heart would be bound more to God. 

If then I received mortifications, I was to look at them also as instruments in the hands of God for my sanctification. So my heart would not remain huffy [lichtgeraakt, opgeblazen] with my neighbor. In this way, it happened that I would look at all creatures in God. 

Whatever fault I might see in them, I would never lose esteem for them. If they mocked me, I felt obliged, thinking that they were allowing me to make more gains for my soul. If they praised me, I received these praises with contempt, saying: “Today this, tomorrow they may hate me,” considering their inconstancy. 

In sum, my heart acquired such freedom... 

that I myself cannot explain it. 

-

When the Divine Master freed me...

from the external world, then He put His hand into purifying my interior. 

And through an interior voice He told me: “Now we are alone - there is no one left who may disturb us. Aren’t you happier now than before, when you had to content many upon many? You see, it is easier to content one alone. You must consider as if you and I were alone in the world. Promise Me to be faithful, and I will pour such and so many Graces into you, that you yourself will be amazed.”

~bron~

piccarreta १

So, from the beginning... 

the Divine Master began to strip my heart of all creatures...

and through an interior voice, He would tell me: “I AM all that is Beautiful and that deserves to be Loved. See, if you do not remove this little world that surrounds you - that is, thoughts of creatures, imagination - I cannot enter freely into your heart... 

"This murmuring in your mind is a hindrance to letting you hear My Voice more clearly, to pouring My Graces, to truly enamoring [betoveren, bekoren, verliefd maken] you of Me. Promise Me, that you will be all Mine, and I Myself will put My Hand in the work. 

You are right that you can do nothing. Do not fear, I will do everything. Give Me your will - this is enough for Me.”

-

This would happen mostly during Communion. 

So I would promise Him to be all His own. 

I would ask His forgiveness, for up to that point, I had not been so. I would say to Him that I truly wanted to love Him, and I prayed Him never to leave me alone again without Him. 

-

And the voice would continue: 

“No, no - I will be together with you, observing all of your actions, your movements, your desires.” So, I would feel Him upon me for the whole day. He reprimanded me in everything. 

-

For example... 

if I let myself be carried away in conversing a little too much with my family, even of indifferent things which were not necessary, the interior voice would tell me: 

“These discourses fill your mind with things that do not belong to Me. They surround your heart with dust, such as to make you feel My Grace as weak, no longer alive. 

O please! Imitate Me, when I was in the house of Nazareth - My Mind was occupied with nothing but the Glory of the Father, and the salvation of souls. My Mouth uttered nothing but Holy Discourses. 

With My Words, I tried to repair for the offenses against the Father. To dart [pijlschieten] through hearts and draw them to My Love - and primarily My Mother and St. Joseph. 

In a word, everything called upon God, everything was done for God, and everything referred to Him. Why could you not do the same?”

-

I remained mute.

All confused. 

I tried to be alone as much as I could. 

I confessed to Him my weakness, and I asked for His Help and Grace to be able to do what He wanted, because, by myself, I could do nothing but evil. 

If during the day my mind was occupied with thinking about people I

loved, immediately He would reprimand me, telling me: “Is this the love you have for Me? Who has ever loved you like Me? Look, if you do not stop it, I will leave you.” 

At times, I felt myself being given such and so many bitter reproaches,

that I would do nothing but cry.

 ~bron~

piccarreta ०

I begin. 

A Novena of Holy Christmas. 

At the age of about seventeen, I prepared myself for the Feast of Holy Christmas, by practicing various acts of virtues and mortification, and especially, by honoring the nine months which Jesus spent in the Maternal Womb with nine hours of meditation each day, always concerning the Mystery of the Incarnation.

As for example, in one hour, with my thought, I brought myself to Paradise, and I imagined the Most Holy Trinity: the Father, sending the Son upon earth - the Son, promptly obeying the Will of the Father - the Holy Spirit, consenting. 

My mind was confounded in contemplating a Mystery so great, a Love so reciprocal, so equal, so strong among Themselves and toward men. And then, the ingratitude of men, and especially my own.

I would have remained there, not for one hour, but for the whole day; but an interior voice told me: “Enough, come and see other greater excesses of My Love.”

-

Then, my mind brought itself into the Maternal Womb. And remained stupefied in considering a God so Great in Heaven, now so annihilated, restricted, constrained, as to be unable to move, and almost even to breathe. 

The interior voice told me: “Do you see how much I have Loved you? O please! make Me a little space in your heart. Remove everything which is not Mine. So you will give Me more freedom to move and to breathe.” 

-

My Heart was consumed. 

I asked for His forgiveness, I promised to be completely His own, I poured myself out in crying. But - I say this to my bewilderment [verbijstering] - I would go back to my usual defects [gebreken]. O! Jesus, how good You have been with this miserable creature!

In this way... 

I would spend the second hour of the day... 

and then, so forth with the rest. It would be annoying, if I told them all. 

And I would do this sometimes kneeling, and when I was impeded [gehinderd] by my family, also while working. In fact, the interior voice gave me no respite and no peace, if I did not do what it wanted. Therefore, work was not an impediment for me to doing what I had to do. 

In this way, I spent the days of the Novena. 

-

And when the Eve came... 

I felt more than ever ignited with unusual fervor. 

I was alone in the room, and here comes Little Baby Jesus in front of me - all beautiful, yes, but shivering [rillend], in the act of wanting to hug me. I stood up and ran to hug Him, but in the act of squeezing Him, He disappeared from me - and this occurred as many as three times. 

I remained so moved and ignited, that I cannot explain it. 

But then, after some time... 

I did not take it much into account. 

I did not tell anyone, and from time to time, I would fall into my usual defects. However, the interior voice never left me again. In everything, it reprimanded me, it corrected me, it encouraged me.

In a word, the Lord acted with me like a good father, whose child tries to deviate from the right path. And he uses all the attentions and cares to hold him back, so as to make of him his honor, his glory, his crown.

But, O! Lord... 

too ungrateful have I been with You.

~bron~

 

meer ii

There was on the lake around Capharnaum... 

a region of extraordinarily fertile and charming valleys. 

There were several harvests during the year, and uncommonly beautiful leaves, blossoms, and fruits - all at the same time. Many distinguished Jews had gardens and castles there, Herod among the number. The Jews of Jesus’ time were no longer like their fathers, through commerce and their intercourse with heathens, they had become very corrupt. 

One never saw the women in public... 

nor at work in the fields, excepting the very poorest gleaning [verzamelen] some ears of corn. They were to be seen only on pilgrimages to Jerusalem and other holy places. Husbandry [veehouderij] and all kinds of traffic were carried on mostly through slaves. 

I have seen all the cities of Galilee. Where now scarcely three villages are in existence, there were then almost a hundred, and an innumerable crowd of people.

~bron~

meer i

After Joseph’s death...

Jesus and Mary removed to a little village of only a few houses... 

between Capharnaum and Bethsaida. A man named Levi, who was very much attached to the Holy Family, had given Jesus a house there in which to dwell. It stood alone surrounded by a ditch of standing water. 

A couple of Levi’s people also were in the house in the capacity of servants, and Levi himself supplied all necessaries from Capharnaum. It was to this little place that Peter’s father retired when he gave over to him the fishery at Bethsaida.

Jesus had already many followers...

among the young people of Nazareth, but they were not faithful to Him. 

 walked with them in the country around the lake, and went up to Jerusalem with them for the feasts. The Lazarus family in Bethania were already acquainted with the Holy Family. The Pharisees of Nazareth were against Jesus, they called Him a vagrant [landloper]. 

Levi gave Him that house that He might, without fear of disturbance, 

live in it and gather His followers around Him.

~bron~

jozef 1

As the time drew near for Jesus to begin His mission of teaching... 

I saw Him ever more solitary and meditative.

And toward the same time, the thirtieth year of Jesus, Joseph began to decline. I saw Jesus and Mary often with him. Mary sometimes sat on the ground by his couch, or upon a low, round three legged stool, which served also for a table. 

I seldom saw them eating, but when they did, or brought some refreshment to Joseph’s bedside, it consisted of three, white, rather long, four-cornered pieces, about two fingers in breadth, that lay side by side on a little plate, and I saw also some little fruits in a dish. 

They gave him something to drink out of a mug.

When Joseph was dying... 

Mary sat at the head of his bed, holding him in her arms. 

Jesus stood just below her, near Joseph’s breast. 

The whole room was brilliant with light and full of angels. 

After his death... 

his hands were crossed on his breast, he was wrapped from head to foot in a white winding sheet, laid in a narrow casket, and placed in a very beautiful tomb, the gift of a good man. 

Only a few men followed the coffin with Jesus and Mary, but I saw it accompanied by angels and environed with light. Joseph’s remains were afterward removed by the Christians to Bethlehem, and interred. I think I can still see him lying there, incorrupt.

Joseph had of necessity to die before the Lord...

for he could not have endured His Crucifixion. He was too gentle, too loving. He had already suffered much from the persecution Jesus had had to support from the malice of the Jews from His twentieth to His thirtieth year; for they could not bear the sight of Him. 

Their jealousy often made them exclaim that the carpenter’s Son thought He knew everything better than others, that He was frequently at variance with the teachings of the Pharisees, and that He always had around Him a crowd of young followers.

Mary never ceased to suffer from these persecutions. Such pains always seem to me sharper than those of martyrdom. Unspeakable was the love with which Jesus in His youth bore the jealous persecution of the Jews.

~bron~

slim 5

When Jesus had returned to Nazareth... 

I saw a feast in Anne’s house...

at which were gathered all the youths and maidens among their friends and relatives. 

I know not whether it was a feast of rejoicing at Jesus’ having been found, a feast solemnized upon the return from the Paschal journey, or a feast customary upon the completion of a son’s twelfth year. Whatever it may have been, Jesus appeared to be the object of it.

Beautiful bowers were erected over the table, from which hung garlands of vine leaves and ears of corn. The children were served with grapes and little rolls. There were present at this feast thirty-three boys, all future disciples of Jesus, and I received an instruction upon the years of Jesus’ life. 

During the whole feast, Jesus instructed the other boys... 

and explained to them a very wonderful parable which, however, was only imperfectly understood. It was of a marriage feast at which water could be turned into wine, and the lukewarm guests into zealous friends.

And again, of a marriage feast where the wine could be changed into Blood, and the bread into Flesh, which Blood and Flesh would abide with the guests until the end of the world as strength and consolation, as a living bond of union. 

He said also to one of the youths, a relative of His own named Nathanael: “I shall be present at thy marriage.”

From His twelfth year, Jesus was always like a teacher among His companions. 

He often sat among them instructing them... 

or walked about the country with them.

~bron~

slim 4

Jesus now answered and taught upon medicine. 

He described the whole human body in a way far beyond the reach of even the most learned. He discoursed with the same facility upon astronomy, architecture, agriculture, geometry, arithmetic, jurisprudence and, in fine, upon every subject proposed to Him. 

He applied all so skillfully to the Law and the Promise, to the Prophecies, to the Temple, to the mysteries of worship and sacrifice, that His hearers, surprised and confounded, passed successively from astonishment and admiration to fury and shame. 

They were enraged at hearing some things that they never before knew, and at hearing others that they had never before understood.

-

Jesus had been teaching two hours...

when Joseph and Mary entered the Temple. 

They inquired after their Child of the Levites whom they knew, and received for answer that He was with the doctors in the lecture hall. But as they were not at liberty to enter that hall, they sent one of the Levites in to call Jesus. 

Jesus sent them word, that He must first finish what He was then about. Mary was very much troubled at His not obeying at once, for this was the first time He had given His parents to understand that He had other commands than theirs to fulfill. 

He continued to teach for another hour... 

and then He left the hall and joined His parents in the porch of Israel, the women’s porch, leaving His hearers confounded, confused, and enraged. 

Joseph was quite awed and astonished, but he kept a humble silence. Mary, however, drawing near to Jesus, said, “Child, why hast Thou done this to us? Behold, Thy father and I have sought Thee sorrowing!” 

But Jesus answered gravely, “Why have you sought Me? Do you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” But they did not understand. They at once began with Him their journey home. 

The bystanders gazed at them in astonishment, and I was in dread lest they should lay hands upon the Boy, for I saw that some of them were full of rage. I wondered at their allowing the Holy Family to depart so peaceably. Although the crowd was dense, yet a wide path was made to permit the Holy Family to pass. 

-

I saw all the details and heard almost the whole of Jesus’ teaching, but I cannot remember all. It made a great impression upon the scribes [schriftgeleerden]. Some recorded the affair as a notable event, while here and there it was whispered around, giving rise to all kinds of remarks and false reports. 

But the true statement, the scribes kept to themselves. They spoke of Jesus as of a very forward boy, possessed indeed of fine talents, but said those talents required to be cultivated.

~bron~

slim 3

Jesus, by His questions and answers... 

so astonished and embarrassed the doctors and rabbis of all these schools, that they resolved, on the afternoon of the third day, in the public lecture hall of the Temple and in presence of the rabbis most deeply versed in the various sciences 'to humble the Boy Jesus'. 

The scribes and doctors had concerted the plan together. For, although pleased at first, they had in the end become vexed [boos] at Him. 

They met in the public lecture hall...

in the middle of the Temple porch, in front of the Sanctuary... 

in the round place where later Jesus also taught. 

There I saw Jesus sitting in a large chair which He did not, by a great deal, fill. Around Him was a crowd of aged Jews in priestly robes. They were listening attentively, and appeared to be perfectly furious. I feared they would lay hands upon Him. 

On the top of the chair in which Jesus was sitting, were brown heads like those of dogs. They were greenish brown, the upper parts glistening and sparkling with a yellow light. There were similar heads and figures upon several long tables, or benches, that stood in the Temple sideways from this place, covered with offerings. 

The place was very large and so crowded that one could scarcely imagine himself in a church.

As Jesus had in the schools illustrated His answers and explanations by all kinds of examples from nature, art, and science, the scribes and doctors had diligently gathered together masters in all these branches. They now began, one by one, to dispute with Him. 

He remarked that although, properly speaking, such subjects did not appear appropriate to the Temple, yet He would discuss them since such was His Father’s will. 

But they understood not that He referred to His Heavenly Father. They imagined that Joseph had commanded Him to show off His learning.

~bron~

slim 2

But this time...

Jesus had, on the return journey not far from the Mount of Olives, separated from His companions, who all thought that He had joined His parents who were following. 

Jesus had, however, gone to that side of Jerusalem nearest to Bethlehem, to the inn at which the Holy Family before Mary’s Purification had put up. Mary and Joseph thought Him on ahead with the other Nazarenes, while these latter thought that He was following with His parents. 

When at last, they all met at Gophna, the anxiety of Mary and Joseph at His absence was very great. They returned at once to Jerusalem, making inquiries after Him on the way, and everywhere in the city itself. But they could not find Him, since He had not been where they usually stayed. 

Jesus had slept at the inn before the Bethlehem gate...

where the people knew Him and His parents.

There He had joined several youths, and gone with them to two schools of the city, the first day to one, the second to another. On the morning of the third day, He had gone to a third school at the Temple, and in the afternoon into the Temple itself, where His parents found Him. 

These schools were all different, and not all exactly schools of the Law. Other branches were taught in them. The last mentioned was in the neighborhood of the Temple, and from it the Levites and priests were chosen.

~bron~