piccarreta १०

From that time on... 

I remember that such a great yearning for suffering ignited within me, that it has not dampened yet. I also remember that after Communion I would ardently pray Him to concede me suffering. And sometimes, to content me, He seemed to take the thorns from His crown and prick my heart. 

-

Other times, I felt Him take my heart in His hands, and squeeze it so tightly, that I felt faint for the pain. When I realized that people might notice something, and He was disposed to give me these pains, I would immediately say to Him: “Lord, what are You doing? I beg You to give me suffering, but that it be hidden to everyone.” 

Up to a certain time, He made me content... 

but my sins have rendered me unworthy... 

to suffer hidden, without anyone noticing it. 

I remember that many times... 

after Communion, He said to me: 

“You will not be able to truly resemble Me other than by means of sufferings. Up until now, I have been together with you. Now I want to leave you alone a little bit, without letting Myself be felt. 

See, up to now I have led you by the hand, instructing you and correcting you in everything, and you have done nothing but follow Me. Now I want you to do it by yourself. 

However, be more attentive than before, thinking that My gaze is fixed on you, though I do not let Myself be heard. And that when I return to make Myself heard, I will come either to reward you, if you have been faithful to Me, or to chastise you, if you have been ungrateful to Me.”

-

I would be so frightened and terrified. 

Upon such intimation, I would say to Him: 

“Lord, my All and my Life, how can I survive without You - who will give me the Strength? How can this be? After You have made me leave everything, so much so that I feel as if no one existed for me - You want to leave me alone and abandoned. Have You perhaps forgotten how bad I am, and that without You I can do nothing?”

And because of this objection, assuming a more serious look, He would add: “The reason is that I want you to understand well who you are. See, I do this for your good, do not be saddened. 

I want to prepare your heart to receive the Graces which I have designed for you. Up until now, I have assisted you sensibly. Now, less sensibly, I will make you touch your nothingness with your own hand. I will fuse you thoroughly in profound humility, in order to be able to build most high walls upon you. 

So, instead of afflicting yourself, you should rejoice and thank Me, because the more quickly I make you cross the stormy sea, the sooner you will reach the Port of Safety. The harder the trials to which I will submit you, the greater the Graces I will give you. Courage, then, courage, and I will come back soon.” 

And in saying this, He seemed to Bless me. 

And then He would leave. 

~bron~