bedelaar 5

Benedict went off... 

but this time he did not return straight home.

If one Carthusian monastery would not have him, perhaps another would. There was one at Longuenesse. He was told, that there they were in need of subjects, and postulants were more easily admitted. He tramped off to Longuenesse and applied. To his joy the monks agreed to give him a trial. 

But the trial did not last long. Benedict did his best to reconcile himself to the life, but it was all in vain. Strange to say, the very confinement, the one thing he had longed for, wore him down. The solitude, instead of giving him the peace he sought, seemed only to fill him with darkness and despair. 

The monks grew uneasy. They feared for the brain of this odd young man. They told him he had no vocation and he was dismissed.

Benedict came home again. 

But his resolution was in no way shaken. 

His mother, naturally more than ever convinced that she was right, left no stone unturned to win him from his foolish fancy. Friends and neighbors joined in. They blamed him for his obstinacy, they accused him of refusing to recognize the obvious will of God, they called him unsociable, uncharitable, selfish, unwilling to shoulder the burden of life like other young men of his class. 

Still, in spite of all they said, Benedict held on. He could not defend himself. Nevertheless, he knew that he was right, and that he was following a star, which would lead him to his goal at last. 

Since the Carthusians had said, that he could not be received among them, because he knew no philosophy or plain chant, that a year's course in these was essential, he found someone willing to teach him, and much as he disliked the study, he persevered for the year as he had been told. 

-

Then he applied once more at Montreuil. 

The conditions had been fulfilled, he was now older and his health had been better. He had proved his constancy by this test imposed upon him. Though many of the monks shook their heads, still they could see that this persistent youth would never be content till he had been given another trial, and they received him.

But the result was again the same. He struggled bravely on with the life, but he began to shrink to a shadow. The rule enjoined quiet in his cell, and he could not keep still. After six weeks of trial, the monks had to tell him that he was not designed for them, and asked him to go. 

-

He went, but this time not home. 

He made up his mind never to go home any more. 

He would try the Trappists again, or some other confined Order. Perhaps he would have to go from monastery to monastery till at last he found peace, but he would persevere. At any rate he would no longer trouble, or be a burden to, his parents or his family. 

On the road, after he had been dismissed from Montreuil, he wrote a letter to his parents. It is proof enough that with all his strange ways, he had a very wide place in his heart for those he dearly loved:

"My dear Father & Mother,

This is to tell you that the Carthusians have judged me not a proper person for their state of life, and I quitted their house on the second day of October.

I now intend to go to La Trappe, the place which I have so long and so earnestly desired. I beg your pardon for all my acts of disobedience, and for all the uneasiness which I have at any time caused you. By the grace of God I shall henceforth put you to no further expense, nor shall I give you any more trouble. I assure you that you are now rid of me. I have indeed cost you much. But be assured that, by the grace of God, I will make the best use of, and reap benefits from all that you have done for me.

Give me your blessing, and I will never again be a cause of trouble to you. I very much hope to be received at La Trappe. But if I should fail there, I am told that at the Abbey of Sept Fonts, they are less severe, and will receive candidates like me. But I think I shall be received at La Trappe."

[ewtn]