schio 8

Casa Annunziata... 

is the most demanding charitable work carried out by the Opera dell’Amore Association in its activity for the realization of welcoming initiatives and material and spiritual help to needy people and priests. 

Solemnly inaugurated in Poleo, Sunday September 8th, 1996, the feast of the Nativity of the Most Holy Mary, Casa Annunziata is the second important realization, in order of time, desired by the Madonna. Another visible, tangible sign of her maternal solicitude towards the weakest and most vulnerable.

This house has five floors, two of which are underground. It is a comfortable, welcoming environment, full of light and space. Located in a panoramic, residential position, with its large park, bordered by tall chestnut trees, it guarantees a pleasant stay for the guests.

The management of the building is the responsibility of the Opera dell’Amore Association which, in addition to assisting the management and administration of the work, guarantees a volunteer presence for various activities. 

At Casa Annunziata are welcomed elderly people alone, abandoned [in de steek gelaten], whose social status has been proven and documented. In this Marian house we try to offer a particular atmosphere, derived from an authentic welcome, animated by a love that makes every person feel, not a guest, but a member of a real family unit where everyone finds their dimension and comes accepted, loved, valued for what he or she is, according to the desire expressed by the Virgin Mary: 

'Let it be a family.'

[bron]

wij in ark 7

Px komt ons genezen/zalven/sterken

schenkt ons Zíjn ervaring v/h kruis

v/eenzaamheid + toch vertrouwen in Wil v/God

Maria draagt mantel van Argentina:

met Px/Zon die rees na lánge nacht !

i.e. Px schenkt ons, via communie,

Zijn Lichaam & Bloed !

//

Thus I come to heal your wounds. 

The wounds of each one of you...

but also the wounds of your people.

I know that many do not understand why everything is so difficult.

But it all starts, comrades, in what you choose. 

Herenow is the result of your choices.

I know that many have nothing to do with everything that Argentina and America are experiencing today, but never raise sword against sword. Raise your voice in prayer to Heaven so that your Master and Lord can intercede, just as He intercedes at this time.

Today, many of those who are present...

need to receive the Sacrament of Anointing. 

Because it is a visible sign of their belonging to My Kingdom...

where no evil can touch you, even if evil thinks it can oppress or disturb you.

Today, I grant you My experience of the Cross. 

Because no one else than I has known what it is to be alone... 

without ceasing to trust in the Divine Will.

Extending My Arms and My Hands over Argentina...

I come to spread the Light of the universe, of the suns and of the stars...

the Light of the Angels and the Archangels... 

the Light of all those who live through good will...

and who seek nothing for themselves, but to be a spark of Light from My Heart... 

in this wounded world.

My Celestial Mother carries the Mantle of Argentina upon Her...

so that the people remember that I am the Sun of God...

Who is born after a lóng dark night.

For this meeting to have its fruits...

the internal fruits that everyone needs to walk more determined and courageous in these times... 

I can offer you everything I have... 

the most Sacred of the Sacred that I offered to the world so long ago... 

which is My Body. and My Blood, direct emanations of the Mercy of God. 

This will appease Argentina and the world.

[4.9.22]

seton shrine

As Elisabeth Ann Seton waited to return to America... 

the young widow went to churches in Italy to pray for peace and strength

—and they were Catholic churches. 

Camilla Filicchi

There she learned of the belief in the Real Presence and suddenly realized that she was not alone anymore. She had found God again and more intensely than ever before. The doctrine of the Blessed Sacrament delivered her from the darkness that had stayed in her soul like a sickness once she left that terrible tower.

[bron]

lutgart-thomas

Saint Lutgardis of Tongeren... 

was born at Tongeren in 1182. 

Goya

She was admitted into the Benedictine... 

monastery of St. Catherine near Sint-Truiden, at the age of twelve, not because of a vocation, but because her dowry had been lost in a failed business venture. 

She was attractive, fond of nice clothes and liked to enjoy herself. For Lutgarde the cloister represented a socially acceptable alternative to the disgrace of unmarried life in the world. 

She lived in the convent for several years without having much interest in religious life. She could come and go, and receive visitors as she pleased.

According to her Vita... 

it was in the parlour [salon], a welcome break in the monotony of monastic observance, that she was visited with a vision of Jesus Christ showing her His wounds, and at age twenty she made her solemn vows as a Benedictine. 

Some of the sisters predicted that her change in behavior would not last. Instead, she became even more devout. 

Over the next dozen years, she had many visions of Christ, Mary and St. John the Evangelist. 

Accounts of her life state that she experienced ecstasies, levitated, and dripped blood from her forehead and hair when entranced. 

She refused the honor of serving as abbess. However, in 1205, she was chosen to be prioress of her community.

In 1208, at Aywiers, near Liège, she joined the Cistercians... 

a stricter order, on the advice of her friend Christina de Wonderbare. 

The nuns of Aywiers spoke French, not Lutgarde's native Flemish. Lutgard deliberately didn't learn French, in order to live in greater silence. Living, working, and praying in the midst of her sisters, she experienced a loneliness and solitude that she had never known before. 

Nonetheless, she contributed powerful images to the developing Christocentric mysticism.

Christina de Wonderbare

The prolific multiplication of Cistercian monasteries of women in the Low Countries obliged the White Nuns to turn to the newly founded friars, disciples of Francis and Dominic, rather than to their brother monks, for spiritual and sacramental assistance. 

Lutgarde was a friend and mother to the early Dominicans and Franciscans, supporting their preaching by her prayer and fasting, offering them hospitality, ever eager for news of their missions and spiritual conquests. Her first biographer relates that the friars named her 'Mater Praedicatorum', the Mother of Preachers [Dominicans].

Lutgardis was one of the great precursors...

of the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. 

The first recorded mystic revelation of Christ's heart is that of Lutgardis. 

When, in a visitation, Christ came to Lutgarde, offering her whatever gift of grace she should desire, she asked for a better grasp of Latin, that she might better understand the Word of God and lift her voice in choral praise. 

Christ granted her request and, after a few days, Lutgarde's mind was flooded with the riches of psalms, antiphons, readings and responsories. 

However, a painful emptiness persisted. 

With disarming candour [openhartigheid,eerlijkheid] she returned to Christ, asking to return His gift, and wondering if she might, just possibly, exchange it for another. 

“And for what would you exchange it?” Christ asked. 

“Lord, said Lutgarde, I would exchange it for your Heart.” 

Christ then reached into Lutgarde, and removing her heart, replaced it with His own, at the same time hiding her heart within His breast.

During this time, she is known to have shown gifts of healing and prophecy, and was an adept at teaching the Gospels. 

haar bidstoel, nu in Mariënlof (Borgloon)

She was blind for the last eleven years of her life... 

and died of natural causes at Aywières. 

According to tradition, she experienced a vision in which Christ informed her of her forthcoming death. 

She died on June 16, 1246, the day after the Feast of the Holy Trinity. 

At the age of 64.

Lutgardis is considered one of the leading mystics of the 13th century. 

A life of Lutgardis, Vita Lutgardis, was composed less than two years after her death by Thomas of Cantimpre, a Dominican friar and a theologian of some ability. 

A Middle Dutch verse translation of this, the Leven van Sinte Lutgart, was produced in the second half of the 13th century and is now regarded as one of the canonical works of Dutch literature. 

Lutgardis was venerated at Aywiers for centuries... 

and her relics were exhumed in the 16th century. 

On December 4, 1796, as a result of the French Revolution... 

her relics were sheltered at Ittre, where they remain. 

Works of art depicting the saint include... 

a baroque statue of Lutgardis by Matthias Braun on Charles Bridge in Prague...

and a painting by Goya. 

[wiki]

cuapa 2

Everything began the night of April 15, 1980. 

While he was in the chapel, Bernardo saw the image of Our Lady – which he was especially fond of – radiating light. The light radiated out from the image, which he saw was more beautiful than ever and let off enough light for him to walk at a normal pace [tempo] without tripping [struikelen].

This led Bernardo to make an examination of conscience. 

In doing so, he recalled certain divisions he had recently caused in the town, as he was a man with a bad temper. He decided to tell the people what had happened, after the recitation of the Rosary, and publicly ask their forgiveness. 

News of the story soon spread throughout the town of Cuapa and many laughed at him for claiming to have seen the image of Our Lady clothed in light. Yet, it was obvious that Our Lady was preparing him for what was to come, seeing his change of heart and public apology.

[bron]

romero 5

You heard today, in the first reading, the accusations: 

“Death to that Jeremiah! He’s demoralizing the soldiers and all of the people with those speeches. That man doesn’t promote the people’s good, but their harm.”

See how the accusations against the prophets of all times are the same. When the prophet bothers the consciences of the selfish, or of those who are not building with God’s plans, he is a nuisance and must be eliminated, murdered, thrown into a pit, persecuted, not allowed to speak the word that annoys.

But the prophet could not tell them anything else. 

Read in the Bible how Jeremiah often prays to God, “Lord, take this cross away from me. I don’t want to be a prophet. I feel my insides burning because I have to say things even I don’t like.”

It’s always the same. 

The prophet has to speak of society’s sin and call to conversion, as the church is doing today in San Salvador: pointing out whatever would enthrone sin in El Salvador’s history, and calling sinners to be converted, just as Jeremiah did.

[14.8.1977]

licht-zuilen 2

zonder lichtzuilen, geen redding

je bent (en was nooit) alleen !

//

Your true offering to the Plan of God... 

has repercussions in the opportunities and in the possibilities of the rest of humanity...

so that it may receive an extraordinary and undeserved Grace... 

so that it may receive an extraordinary and inconceivable forgiveness... 

for all it does.

At this moment, the prayers open the doors of the universe for this difficult period of transition.

Your attention, and especially your heart, must be in the Heavens... 

and if they are, you will be with Us in the universe... 

within the true cosmic reality...

and there, through Our impulses... 

you will participate in the commands that the universe dictates... 

which are a part of a great spiritual and inner network of operations...

to help humanity, and above all, the planet.

Thus, you will be able to once again understand...

that you are not alone. 

You have never been alone... 

and will never be.

[31.12.20] 

bedelaar 8

But for the rest, Benedict's life was one of continued prayer. 

He was a Trappist in a monastery of his own making. So far as he was able, he kept perpetual silence. Those who knew him afterwards related, that he seemed to go whole months together without allowing his voice to be heard. 

He lived in retirement and solitude. He would accept no friend or companion. He would have only God, a few who had come to notice him, and who helped him, when he would allow them, were invariably treated as patrons and benefactors, but no more. 

When a convent of nuns, at which occasionally he applied, had observed him, and began to show him more interest and respect, Benedict discovered their esteem [hoogachting] and never went near them again. 

-

All his possessions were a few books of devotion, and a wooden bowl. The latter had split, and he had kept it together with a piece of wire. He fasted and abstained continually, sometimes per force, sometimes by chance. 

By constantly kneeling on the hard ground, or the stone floors of the churches, he developed sores on both knees. 

He deliberately tried to be despised and shunned, and when men could not refrain from showing contempt in their manner, then would Benedict's face light up with real joy. 

Let his confessor, who wrote his life a year after his death... 

describe his first meeting with him: 

"In the month of June, 1782, just after I had celebrated mass in the church of St. Ignatius belonging to the Roman College, I noticed a man close beside me, whose appearance at first sight was decidedly unpleasant and forbidding [afschrikwekkend,terugstotend]. 

His legs were only partially covered, his clothes were tied round his waist with an old cord. His hair was uncombed, he was ill-clad [slecht gekleed], and wrapped about in an old and ragged coat. In his outward appearance, he seemed to be the most miserable beggar I had ever seen. 

Such was the spectacle of Benedict the first time I beheld him."

For what remains of Benedict's story we cannot do better than follow the guidance of this director. 

After the priest had finished his thanksgiving on the occasion just mentioned, Benedict approached him and asked him to appoint a time when he would hear his general confession. The time and place were arranged.

During the confession the priest was surprised, not only at the care with which it was made, but also at the knowledge his penitent showed of intricate points of theology. 

He concluded that, beggar though he was then, he had evidently seen better days. Indeed he felt sure, that he had once been a clerical student. He therefore interrupted the confession, to ask whether he had ever studied divinity. 

"I, Father?" said Benedict. "No, I never studied divinity. I am only a poor ignorant beggar."

The confessor at once recognized that he was dealing with something unusual. 

He resolved to do for him all he could, and for the future to keep him carefully in mind.

As it has so often been in God's dealings with hidden saints... 

whom He has willed that men should come at last to know... 

that apparently chance meeting, was the means by which the memory of Benedict was saved. 

It took place in June, 1782. 

In April of the following year, Benedict died. 

During those ten months, the priest to whom he addressed himself, had ample opportunity to watch him. As the weeks passed by, he grew in wonder at the sanctity that lay beneath rags. And yet, he tells us that, not a little fastidiously clean as he seems to have been himself, it never so much as occurred to him to bid Benedict mend his ways. 

To hear his confession cost him an effort, yet he never thought twice about making that effort. Only at times, for the sake of others, the appointed place was out of the way.

-

He saw him last on the Friday before Holy Week, 1783.

When Benedict came to make his confession as usual. 

He remarks that, though always before Benedict had fixed the day when he would come again, this time he made no appointment. The next the priest heard of him, was that he was dead, exactly a week later.

But he was not surprised. For some months before, when once he had come to know Benedict and his way of life, he had wondered how he lived. Apart from his austerities, and his invariable choice of food that was least palatable, of late his body had begun to develop sores and ulcers. 

The priest had spoken to him on this last point, and had exhorted him at least to take more care of his sores, but Benedict had taken little notice. On his side, as the confessor could not but notice, and as is common with saints as death draws nearer, the love of God that was in him left him no desire to live any longer.

[ewtn]

woestijn

Be in the desert like Mother Teresa of Calcutta... 

who, in spite of being in the void and in solitude...

knew how to find the Lord in her neighbors.

And everything she sought...

in inner compensation... 

faded away. 

Her faith became stronger and was consolidated...

in simply fulfilling the Will of God...

and comforting the poor... 

in body and spirit.

-

It was in this way... 

that Mother Teresa found God... 

and merged into Him... 

even though she did not entirely perceive Him.

Be in the desert like Mother Teresa of Calcutta... 

strengthening yourself inwardly... 

neither in the sensory world... 

nor in a mystical union with God...

but rather in a palpable [zichtbaar, tasbaar] faith...

and a constant overcoming... 

proving and experiencing the Presence of God in those most in need... 

being nothing to the world and to the self, and everything to God... 

everything to the Heart of the Redeemer... 

Who tirelessly beats in the poor and the oppressed... 

in the lonely and the lost.

-

Seek, child, to live your desert... 

consolidating your faith. 

Know that each desert brings a leap into infinity... 

and this happens in many ways.

-

If you thirst for sensations and inner experiences... 

thirst for self-realization and seeing God... 

and yet He keeps you in the void... 

discover that maybe the Will of God will be revealed to you where you least expect... 

in that space where it is hard for your love to reach...

where your resistances block your steps...

and do not allow you to enter... 

where your weaknesses prevents you... 

from discovering the need for love. 

There is God. 

Waiting for you.

-

In the desert...

leave your desires and aspiration...

your needs, your deepest anxieties. 

And when you have nothing... 

the Creator will show you where He is hidden... 

calling for you, seeking your gaze... 

your faith... 

your heart.

-

Who knows, child... 

maybe your desert will be the desert of Mother Teresa of Calcutta... 

where God is revealed from the outside inward... 

and from within your fellow being...

to your inner being.

-

The Most Chaste 

Saint Joseph

[28.1.20]

tissot 4

Deeply moved by this whole experience... 

and perhaps still suffering from the loss of Kathleen Newton... 

Tissot dedicated almost the entirety of his remaining life to creating subjects of a Christian nature. 

Starting only with the intention to depict a few scenes from the Gospels, he ventured to Egypt and Palestine for the first time, and lived as a pilgrim for many months. He hoped to experience the events of the Scriptures in their native setting, and to capture a lost vision of the Holy Land. 

Soon enough, Tissot would decide to expand his project, return a second time, and paint the entirety of the Gospel narrative as a single, cohesive story.

As Tissot suddenly disappeared from his refined and artistic circles... 

rumors began to abound. 

Many speculated that Tissot had left the city to live out a religious life in a monastery. 

Others believed that his sudden conversion and absence were merely part of a sensational act, capitalizing upon and profiting off of the Catholic revival movement emerging in France at the time. 

Even long-time friend Edgar Degas turned his back on Tissot, so much so that their friendship would never be repaired. He is quoted as saying, "Now he's got religion. He says he experiences inconceivable joy in his faith. At the same time, he not only sells his own products high, but sells his friends' pictures as well... Well, I can take my vengeance. I shall do a caricature of Tissot with Christ behind him, whipping him, and call it: Christ Driving His Merchant from the Temple!"  

Far away from the rumors, however... 

Tissot marched toward Jerusalem, accompanied by no European friends.

Only local guides, interpreters, and assistants to aid him. 

[bron]

geliefde 5

The Father taught all this to Me... 

when I was here in this world...

while living the forty days in the desert.

What I bring you today is this experience of love... 

lived and also fulfilled within Me, in this seeming desolation of the desert.

I not only invite you to find God in this desert that each one may be living at this moment. 

But also know that I am there, invisible and silent, accompanying each one of Mine... 

who dares to cross the desert of their inner world... 

to find, at some moment, the Light of the Kingdom of the Heavens.

Have joy, when you are thirsty of Me. 

Have joy, when you do not find Me. 

Because I am strengthening you.

I am converting you into My apostles.

-

My Hand will always be extended toward all those who need it. 

Follow My Path and all will be renewed, mainly within you. 

And so that it may happen, you should not resist nor cause yourselves to sink. 

Do not create unnecessary conditions, be intelligent and have faith. 

Because the desert is not forever. 

But it is the great opportunity for you to be freed from yourselves. 

For you to again be naked before God. 

Showing what you really are, and not what you appear to be. 

Revealing what your souls are, in essence, and in spirit. 

Because everything else is fleeting.

I want to deliver today the strength of My Faith... 

to all those who need it. 

Asking the Father to make you brave and strong from within. 

Asking the Eternal Father for you to have courage... 

and much determination to go through these definitive times... 

and so that He may grant you the Grace that He granted to His Son... 

during the forty days of the desert... 

where the First-Born Son lived His great synthesis... 

a preparation to assume the Cross.

By means of the faith of My merciful Heart... 

receive this blessing... 

and may the paths toward the Father keep being built... 

with the examples of your lives... 

for the redemption of your hearts.

In the name of the Father, 

the Son and the Holy Spirit. 

Amen.

-

Friar Elías del Sagrado Corazón de Jesús:

At the request of Christ, we will entone “Apostles of Love”, allowing each one of our souls to confirm themselves on this path of apostleship, and let us be available and entire for all that must be done, and serve without expecting anything in return, just as He has asked of us.

And, before the Sacred Heart of Jesus, may we be able to confirm, but also give thanks. May this song, which we will sing all together, prepare us to live the Sacrament of the Spiritual Communion that will be immediately offered to all, so that this covenant with Christ may be strengthened.

Let us sing.

[20.8.21] 

daniel 3

Als burgerlijke partij vroeg Chris De Stoop maar één symbolische euro, want het ging in heel die assisenzaak niet over geld. Dat maakte hij ook duidelijk in het interview in De Morgen met Marc Schaevers:

Het monument dat je voor je oom oprichtte, Het boek Daniel, kan iedereen in de boekhandel ophalen, maar zou het je ook plezier doen als men het graf van de heremiet gaat bezoeken bij de kerk van Saint-Léger?

Chris De Stoop: ‘Zeker, ik wil dat hij niet vergeten wordt. ‘Une vie rustique, une mort tragique’, heb ik op de steen laten zetten. Ik vergelijk het met een litteken: dat is een wonde die genezen is, maar nog zichtbaar blijft. Deze wonde blijft zichtbaar in het midden van het dorp.’

[DWM]

wortels (4)

Dear brother and sister,

Jo’s [wife of Theo] letter was really like a gospel for me, a deliverance from anguish which I was caused by the rather difficult and laborious hours for us all that I shared with you.

It’s no small thing when all together we feel the daily bread in danger, no small thing when for other causes than that we also feel our existence to be fragile. Once back here, I too still felt very saddened, and had continued to feel the storm that threatens you also weighing upon me.

What can be done – you see I usually try to be quite good-humoured, but my life, too, is attacked at the very root, my step also is faltering. I feared – not completely – but a little nonetheless – that I was a danger to you, living at your expense – but Jo’s letter clearly proves to me that  you really feel that for my part I am working and suffering like you.

There – once back here, I set to work again – the brush however almost falling from my hands and – knowing clearly what I wanted, I’ve painted another three large canvases since then. They’re immense stretches of wheatfields under turbulent skies, and I made a point of trying to express sadness, extreme loneliness.

You’ll see this soon, I hope – for I hope to bring them to you in Paris as soon as possible, since I’d almost believe that these canvases will tell you what I can’t say in words, what I consider healthy and fortifying about the countryside.

Now the third canvas is Daubigny’s garden,  a painting I’d been thinking about ever since I’ve been here.

I hope with all my heart that the planned journey [Theo, Jo and their little baby, to Leiden, on July 15th] may provide you with a little distraction.

van Gogh-brief
(10 juli 1890)

begin 8

The manners of this company are:

- keeping the eyes downcast
- full concentration
- remaining silent
- stillness of the limbs

- hastening to fulfill His command
- avoiding prohibited things
- minimal objection to what He decrees for you
- constant remembrance of Him

- persevering in contemplation
- giving preference to the Truth
- despairing of created beings

- humility with extreme reverence
- a feeling of brokenness
- coupled with modesty
- peace of mind

- without any strategy for earning livelihood
- by having confidence in the guarantee of Allah
- and complete trust in the grace of Allah, Mighty & Majestic
- knowing with certainty that the best choice will always be the one He makes

These etiquette, all of them,
should constitute your distinguishing emblem
in áll your nights and days.

They are the spiritual courtesies of companionship
with a Friend who néver leaves your side

even as every one of creation
will part company with you
at one time or another.


~Beginning of Guidance~
[Chapter 3]

vogels

hebben we wel begrepen
wat werkelijk bedoeld werd

wanneer verteld werd dat
Franciscus 'voor de vogels preekte'

waren er dan zovelen...
tot wie hij wél had kunnen prediken ?

die hem wél
hadden kunnen volgen ?

verlaten (4)

"Calvary is the path of my elected ones.

Calvary is the path of my spouses.

Calvary is the path of my crucified ones.

It is through Calvary that I grant forgiveness to sinners. It is through Calvary that I give love to hearts... Courage, courage, my dear! Your Jesus, your Celestial Mother and your spiritual Father accompany you and help you in an intimate union!"

-

Thank you, my Jesus.

Enlivened by your sweet words, I went to Gethsemane.

I never met You there, but your divine power was victorious in me.

I felt at the beginning, that the uncouth [lompe] soldiers in Gethsemane would arrest me. I felt that later Judas would come, with venom on his lips.

I felt in my body the kicks they would give me later, when they dragged me with ropes. I had in my heart Your feelings, when You saw before You all the sins and crimes of the world.

If only, with all these sufferings, all souls were saved!

-

But oh, how many are lost.

Because they do not take advantage of my suffering!

O Jesus, I felt my body was bathed in blood. With the clothing that clung [kleefde] to it, and the clothing that dragged on the ground.

But worse, much worse still, was the suffering of your delicate and divine body. In the flogging [geseling] and crowning of thorns, You always sheltered me. In the refuge and support of holy and pure love, I felt my soul to be inebriated [dronken], and in quiet and peace I rested for some time.

-

Later, our Heavenly Mother came...

to take me on Her lap.

She bound me in Her arms, and caressed me. During all this agony, I had to call for You and for Her, many times. Frightened, with grief, abandoned, and completely exhausted, I had no strength to walk. All the time I invoked Heaven, but in vain.

The abandonment was total.

That I should suffer alone on the cross, had to be.

In this painful agony, a lance was thrust into my heart. It was necessary that I feel all that pain, before expiring. Poor me, poor humanity. That does not know how You suffered, Lord Jesus!

-

After the crucifixion...

it seems that I continued to live alone.

I was reminded of the withdrawal of my spiritual Father.

Another proof of Your infinite love, my Jesus: You arranged it so, that the doctor not only took care of easing the pain of my body, but also that he eased the deep pain of my soul. You who know everything used him, to prepare my heart to receive the final coup.

Thank you, my Jesus. I do not know what else to say.

Let me repeat with You: my soul is sorrowful, even unto death.

I lost the light, I lost everything.

Your blessing and your forgiveness, my love.


~bron~

verlaten (3)

February 20, 1942

Jesus...

I come to meet You.

Where are you? Why am I not able to find You? At least listen to my sorrows. If you fail me, I have nobody else.

Did You see me this morning, nailed on the cross in great agony, with my eyes raised to the Heaven, which I felt and saw disappear, without a smallest hope of seeing it return. Or of my being able to enter it. What great sadness for me, to see everything lost, and without remedy!

After coming down from the cross, I began the ascent to Calvary. I was so weak as I went, so exhausted! I walked with my face almost on the ground. Here and there I fell. I wounded myself painfully, I was bleeding.

What fear, what a dreadful fear it was. To be constantly reminded that in a little while I would be crucified. Without help from any source on this earth! But your divine love helped me. You came to meet me:

— 'My daughter, human strength fails you. Have courage! Divine strength will never fail you.'


~bron~

verlaten (2)

Jesus, Jesus...

I don’t see Heaven.

All that blue sky hides from me, I have lost it, they stole from me everything that was life. I only feel pain, I only feel and see death. I don’t have anyone I can appeal to: I can only call on You and my Heavenly Mother.

Poor me! How many times in my pain have I not dared to look at You! Hear me always, even if I do not call You. Ask my Heavenly Mother to help me. Give me all the strength of Heaven!

-

Every sound I hear reminds me of my dear spiritual father.

Will he come? What a life of illusion! All the thoughts that come to my mind during this awful suffering are arrows which pierce my heart. They are scourges [gesels] which tear my body and my soul to pieces.

What wrong did I do?

What crime did I commit?

-

O my Jesus...

If it was not for Your love, if it was not the burning wish of saving souls for You, I would refuse everything.

I wanted to love You very much. Never to offend You. To gain Heaven. But I didn’t want the crucifixion. I didn't want to hear your sweet and tender voice on the earth. I didn’t wish to see your divine Image. Either painful or glorious. I had all eternity, to contemplate You, and to hear You speaking.

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Forgive me my confidences, Jesus.

You see that only with You am I able to unburden myself.

Since You chose me for pain, since you appointed me for such a martyrdom, here I am, your victim, your slave. Jesus, do with me what You will. Your blessing, my Beloved.

Ask my Heavenly Mother to bless me, and protect me.

I am your most unworthy daughter,

poor Alexandrina


~bron~

verlaten (1)

Balasar
19th February, 1942

My good Jesus...

I feel that my heart is torn in pieces by pain. Have You further blows, to inflict on me? May your will be done. Nailed on the cross with You, dripping blood, and in great agony, I see myself, and I feel that I am abandoned by everybody. I can’t live in the world. I am afraid.

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Jesus...

Come quickly! Come take me to Heaven! Men try to distract me, always pulling out from under me anything that could relieve me, or give me comfort.

They took my spiritual father. They forbade him to write to me. And me to write to him. Let me at least, my Beloved, find relief with You. I am alone in the middle of a storm, which shows no sign of abating.

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I open my poor heart to You.

Only You know how to read what is written on it, with pain and blood. Only You can understand and evaluate my suffering. The world doesn’t know how to. Men don’t understand anything.

Let me repeat to You, what You said to your Eternal Father: 'Forgive them, my Jesus, because they know not what they do!'... They are blind. The divine light fails to reach them. Please, enlighten them all, and give all of them Your love.


~bron~